Suburban Lawyer Rants by Jason T Olivier

In two days, I covered over 600 miles. I drove through Lafourche, Jefferson, St. Bernard and Plaquemines. I talked to waitresses, gas station attendants, executives, oil field workers and plain old every day folks. They all said the same thing- business is fine. Its the future they fear. And they should. Where were the crabbers, shrimpers and fishermen? Where were the charter captains? Their boats were all moored up, but no one knew where they were. Well, some did. They were all being employed by BP to assist in the clean up. Some were even making money on the side taking media and tourists out to see the spill. They are happy for now. Where was the damage from the oil? What was apparent was the only visible damage is that of Katrina, particularly the closer you get to the coast. And where is the coast? Once you get outside the hurricane protection levees, you are treated to dead trees, low lying grass patches and water. In Lafourche, thats water pretty much right up to

I had a dream in which my mom and I were walking through the neighborhood where I was born. It was virtually destroyed by Katrina. I was pushing a cart of some sort and we were noticing all these things that both had and had not changed since I was there during Hurricane Betsy (1965). My favorite was tell tale signs of old businesses- faded hanging signs and placards. I noticed businesses were still there and doing okay. I saw many things I never noticed before. This week I am driving back to that neighborhood to look at it again in greater detail. Many of us have been knocked backwards, or are greatly fearful of having to take a step backwards. But why? We have already been in that spot, and we gained the experience to move ahead. Remember how broke you were when you first got married? How small your living space was? How simple your life was? We all dreamed, in essence, of being where we are (or further). So life knocks you on your arse, maybe back to square one. Don'

Right or wrong? Every set of laws on our planet is based on natural law. Natural law has several definitions, but in essence it is law that have been proved to be true again and again, not laws that are merely imposed by the will of another. Either its right, or wrong. On or off? Even in computing, everything reduces down to the simple definition of "on" or "off".   If a circuit is on, that's a 1.   If its off, 0.   That's why you see the 1 inside a 0 on almost every electronic on/off button.   The system of number counting that only has two digits is called BI-nary (bi meaning 2). So that's where the binary system comes from, and is the basis of all computing.  Black or white? We used to use the phrase "the answer is there in black and white."    These are the two juxtaposed extremes.  But in our increasingly pluralistic society, we have adopted that there are infinite "shades of gray."   While true in theory

Cats can lick themselves. Politicians wish they could lick themselves, but have to pay other people to do it. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CAT AND A POLITICIAN? One acts aloof. Every now and then he walks by you and gives you a rub as if to say "yeah, I know you are there." You get excited and go to return the love, and off he walks. You stand there amazed when you catch him doing something, because most of the time he is just a pillow that eats and poops. You spend your hard earned money on him and he acts as though he deserves it. You try to interact with him, but he has the attention span of a ADD kindergarten-er on Red Bull. Why do we put up with these creatures? We complain how they tear up our stuff, crap in our house, take all our time and money- but when its there time to go WE GET ANOTHER ONE. And the other- is a cat.

I am pretty sure that you can tell by first grade whether your kid will be a lawyer. Here are some example response to a basic question, and you can see trends. The question was " what is 2+2 ?" Children predisposed to be doctors would gather with other children, come up with the answer of 4 , and each one would want individual credit. Liberal presidential candidates tended to assert that this was OBVIOUSLY a problem they inherited from a previous first grader and that the answer was 4 BUT they were going to add 4 more to it for your own good. Children pre-disposed to work in sales answered that it was 8 , but for today only they would give you an answer of 4 if they got credit for it today. Children destined for the food services industry were unable to even identify the problem UNLESS you showed it to them on a flat piece of thin laminated plastic with a picture over it.   They tended to just push the picture with their finger, thinking that -itself-

What a rude term.  How did it make it into our vernacular? How do I explain this to my three young kids?   " W hat T he F art?" or " W ill T ype for F ood?"   But the urban dictionary, the coldest slap in the face on how old you are getting, now defines it among other things as a flacid... uh... male appendage. Great.  Now nothing is sacred. Anyway, I am a 20+ year semi-rural lawyer saddled with a high IQ and a thankless job.   My rants should be both random and mind-expanding.   Or not. So please check back with me.   And if you have a subject you want me to rant on, I promise it will be interesting and maybe even funny. Oooooo. " W as T hat F unny?"  That works for me .